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Post by Jules on Oct 29, 2008 1:45:50 GMT -5
It had all started with her suddenly starting to glow. Non stop. Even when she wasn't that particularly happy, she'd be glowing. And she'd been flipping through a magazine and there had been an ad for skincare. "Get that Pregnant Woman's glow without being Pregnant!" And it had struck her. Really hard. Across the face. Her body was not exactly normal, and always very easy to read. What if this was her way of telling herself she was expecting? Which had led to some counting. That didn't add up. She'd recounted several times, begging herself to be wrong. But there was no denying it. She was now three months late.
The thing was, she didn't know if she wanted to tell Armand. Firstly, she could (hopefully) be wrong. Secondly, there was a chance---it made her sick just thinking about it----that it wasn't his. Thirdly, she didn't want to scare him before she even knew what she was going to do about it. If she was pregnant, were they really ready to start a family?
They weren't even engaged. She didn't know if Armand had even thought about that. Embarrassingly enough she had, which meant he knew she had, fondly and with a sense of excitement and hope. But would this pressure him into it? The last thing she wanted was for him to propose out of obligation, if he even wanted to at all.
"Hey Armand, guess what?" Zizzy frowned at herself in the mirror. Her speech practicing wasn't going so well. "Do you like kids? Because you might be getting one!"
"How do you think Pia will like being a Grandmother?"
"Would your parents kill me if I made them grandparents maybe a little sooner than they were expecting?"
Zizzy scrubbed her face with her hands and groaned. This was a disaster. She could guess Armand would respond all supportive and loving, which was the problem. He'd never tell her if he actually wanted it, or was just doing it out of a sense of responsibility. And he was so much harder to read than she was.
Finally, when she wasn't ready but knew she would never be, she left the bathroom she'd locked herself in and returned to Armand's room. It was relatively early, and they had been lingering in bed, reading their separate articles. Him, some heavy, intellectual book, her the magazine that had caused her horrifying revelation.
When she slipped in, she knew she probably looked like a deer caught in headlights. Zizzy was still glowing, but there was a drawn, anxious pallor to her skin beneath the glow.
She came to stand by the bed, but didn't get back in. Opening her mouth she tried to find the words, but nothing came out. Trying again, she only managed to spit out, in a terrified tone,
"Armand, I have, I have something to tell you. And I'm not sure you're going to like it."
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Post by Miss Jack on Oct 29, 2008 19:09:45 GMT -5
Armand barely noticed when she got up and went to the bathroom. It was one of those nice, lazy mornings that required little effort, and you could just drift along until life stepped back in. And life, it seemed, was going to step in quicker than anticipated.
Armand glanced up from his book, gauging the tight lines drawing on her face, and the faint glow around her skin. Sometimes she glowed in the morning like that (after particular activities), so he hadn't thought anything of it, but now it seemed wrong.
He shut the book. "What's wrong?"
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Post by Jules on Oct 29, 2008 19:20:30 GMT -5
Zizzy took a deep breath. And then another, and another, until she had to stop herself from starting to hyperventilate. She smiled nervously at him,
"Just, just remain calm." Because she was doing such a good job of that herself. "Just---we'll figure it out. Right? We've been through worse than this, and it's really not----well okay it's pretty huge, but it might not even be true it's just that I've been glowing constantly and I'm three months late and I've been feeling kind of weird lately." She sat on the edge of the bed, back to him, hunched over her lap.
"I don't know what to do, and I want you to be honest with me because this isn't something you can deal with because you feel you have to, the last thing I want is to pressure you into something you don't want, I'm not even sure I want this, and..." She stopped, finally, twisting to stare at him in blank horror, "I think I'm pregnant."
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Post by Miss Jack on Oct 29, 2008 20:36:39 GMT -5
Just remain calm? He raised an eyebrow, wondering how he could appear more calm than lying in bed like he was.
She certainly set herself up for a tornado (he'd begun to think she was dying, or he was, or something equally gruesome), and when at last she let the bomb drop, he thought he'd be prepared, but he wasn't.
He stared at her, not saying anything, barely even breathing, his entire body going as still as granite. Slow. Deep breaths.
"You're.... pregnant?" His voice didn't sound horrified, or overjoyed, but toneless, almost dead.
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Post by Jules on Oct 29, 2008 20:44:19 GMT -5
Any reaction he would've had, in retrospect, she realized would've been the wrong one. Joy would've scared her, horrified would've hurt her, and this dead tone hurt too, and worried her. She faced away from him again and nodded slowly. "I think so. I'm not one hundred percent sure. It could just be a fluke, but it makes sense, I mean it all adds up together." She held back on apologizing, because it was as much his fault as hers and she didn't even know enough of her own feelings about it to know if she was sorry.
She remained perched on the edge of the bed, muscles tensed, like she was ready to spring up and run away at a moment's notice. She stared fixedly at the closed door, trying not to burst into sobs.
"I don't know what to do." She admitted, again, in a very small voice.
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Post by Miss Jack on Oct 29, 2008 21:42:19 GMT -5
It took another minute of careful breathing before he was able to find his voice again. "Zizzy," he said softly, "Look at me please."
A baby. It nearly undid him just thinking about it. But even if it was terrifying, certainly there were worse things. This was life, and it wasn't to be condemned.
"It's a little early," he continued, reaching for her hand. "But it isn't like we wouldn't have had one eventually..."
Events pointed in that direction anyway, but he was glad she hadn't asked him if he wanted a child first, because he would have said no.
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Post by Jules on Oct 29, 2008 21:54:35 GMT -5
Of course, of course it took him all of two minutes to regain his composure and act like everything was going to be just fine. She turned around to face him, grabbing onto his hand like it was a lifeline and shaking her head.
"I can't deal with this if you aren't honest with me. I wasn't planning on children anytime soon. You weren't either. Did you ever even want one with me? I'm not having this....baby." She almost gagged on the word, "If it's unwanted, or going to be resented." Her lower lip trembled and she finally gave into the sobs that had been waiting to pounce in her throat.
"A little early? We aren't.....there hasn't even been talk of a family. Armand....we can't be ready for this."
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Post by Miss Jack on Oct 29, 2008 22:22:31 GMT -5
He brushed the back of his hand over her cheek, wiping away some of the tears. "I think you're having this baby either way," he said at a paltry attempt at humor, though it fell flat when he failed to sound amused.
He sighed. He didn't feel like talking about how he worried about the plague his life had carried being hereditary, that he would doom his children to the same fate. Not to mention the doubts of his capability as a father.
"I would never resent our child," he told her honestly. "And no, perhaps we're not ready, but... I was never going to be with anyone else, either."
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Post by Jules on Oct 29, 2008 22:39:14 GMT -5
None of what he was saying was really doing anything to make her feel better. He had skirted around her question very nicely, and it almost made her angry. Well no, it made her scared, but those two often went hand in hand with her.
"I don't know, Armand. If you can't tell me whether or not you ever wanted a family with me, I'm not sure..." She wasn't going to force a child on someone who never wanted one. She didn't know what she'd do. But she'd figure something out. They would. Right?
"It's not like I can't handle a no. But I need to know."
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Post by Miss Jack on Oct 29, 2008 23:46:27 GMT -5
His eyes widened. "I just said I had no intention of being with anyone else. I hadn't thought about it, yet, but we would have gotten married. And.... the next natural course is to have a family. I thought you understood." He rubbed her hand quickly. "I would never leave you by yourself with this."
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Post by Jules on Oct 30, 2008 0:11:52 GMT -5
That helped, she even managed a smile, watery and anxious, but there. "Who ever said I wanted to marry you?" She joked softly, using their joined hands to scoot against him and pull his arm around her.
"I want to go to a Doctor, but no matter what it'll end up back at Vince, won't it? I mean, it's kind of something that might hamper my training. Camilla works for the L.O.S and she's definitely the only person I'm letting examine me." It wasn't like she'd seriously thought about giving the thing up anyways. Even if she was still referring to it as a thing.
But the light mood didn't last long. "I'm going to be a mother." She spoke the words with a heavy touch of absolute horror. "I melted all the dolls I ever owned." Because the two were definitely related.
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Post by Miss Jack on Oct 30, 2008 0:18:08 GMT -5
He kissed her temple and gave a breathy sigh that might have been a laugh. He studied their entwined hands. "It probably will. He was the only doctor when my mother was pregnant with Alexander and I. You should go soon," he added, frowning in slight concern, touching her hair absently.
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Post by Jules on Oct 30, 2008 0:28:57 GMT -5
Oh Dear God. Pia.
"She's going to hate me." She all but whimpered. She very much doubted either of his parents would be pleased by this. But especially the Queen. Zizzy couldn't see her handling being a Gradma very well.
"She's going to kill me."
She'd been going to bring up the idea that it might not be his, but Zizzy had chickened out. If he didn't think of it himself, she wasn't going to bring it up. Besides, it was infinitely more likely that it was Armand's. And because she needed it to be, if it was there at all, it would be. Simple as that.
"What will we do if I am?" She asked softly.
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Post by Miss Jack on Oct 30, 2008 0:34:53 GMT -5
Armand's lips twisted wryly. No, Pia would not enjoy the title Grandma at all. He couldn't imagine what his parents would say. They hadn't minded when Zizzy moved in, and they had to be aware they shared a bed on more than one occasion. Prudish they were not, but he wondered if they would approve of a little baby so soon.
"I'll protect you," he murmured. He shrugged at her last questions. "We'll deal with it, just as we would if we'd planned it."
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Post by Jules on Oct 30, 2008 0:52:15 GMT -5
She tried to draw strength from his easy confidence. He was so good at being amazingly solid. If he'd been freaking out like her, she wasn't sure she'd have been able to handle this at all. Zizzy was not the strong one.
"And what does that mean?" She asked. There had to be some kind of plan, some sort of detail. Not 'we'll deal with it when it comes'. Even if they weren't 100% sure. "Would you be happier if I wasn't?"
Women and their loaded questions. Tsk.
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