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Post by Miss Jack on Feb 2, 2009 23:47:38 GMT -5
He hesitated for several minutes, dreading having to tell her, and wondering if he should tell her at all, so soon when she needed to heal.
"Bad," he at last answered, with a sigh.
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Post by Jules on Feb 2, 2009 23:55:44 GMT -5
Her eyes widened and she reached for him with her relatively uninjured hand. "What is it? Is it the baby? Dear Morpheus, it is, isn't it?" She waited, waited to be told she was wrong, the baby was fine, that maybe it was something less awful, like maybe she'd never walk again. That would be better than loosing her baby. Maybe they'd amputated something, maybe she was swollen up like a balloon. But deep down, where she'd once felt a tiny life tickling her, she knew.
"He's dead, isn't he? Those bastards murdered him, if I had just been stronger, if I had fought harder--" Her skin took on that dangerous quality of unglowing---grey and dead. "It's all my fault, they wouldn't let me protect him, they wouldn't let me, but I should've tried harder, I should've been able to get away, why was I so stupid..." It didn't look like she was going to stop berating herself anytime soon.
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Post by Miss Jack on Feb 3, 2009 0:12:37 GMT -5
"Zizzy, stop-- stop it," he said desperately, holding her face in his hand, forcing her to look at him. "It wasn't your fault," he whispered. Losing the baby was hard enough, he didn't want to lose Zizzy too-- lose her to her own guilt.
Besides, she wasn't that strong physically, especially being pregnant. What could she have possibly done? But he was strong. He should have been there, shouldn't have let her go back on her own...
"We can't do this," he choked, "We can't let this... kill us too."
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Post by Jules on Feb 3, 2009 0:33:08 GMT -5
He was wrong, it was her fault. If she just hadn't been so stupid, if she hadn't approached the crowd at all, if she'd just left her bag for the servants to bring in, she'd still have her baby. But she could see he was upset, and it was enough to keep her from drowning in self-loathing to know he didn't blame her, that he could still bring himself to touch her.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't know they would..." She flinched, remembering the beating, the things they'd said, being left on the ground, being walked on like she was a carpet. "Did they hurt you? Are you okay? I can't feel anything---what else did they do to me?" She was trying hard to barrel passed the loss of her baby, to distract herself from awaiting, unendurable pain. "If you hadn't saved me..." She would've died. "Thank you."
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Post by Miss Jack on Feb 4, 2009 20:48:56 GMT -5
It would take time, he knew, to get by this. He didn't want to bother Camilla, or especially Zizzy as she was now, with questions of future damage... but even if they couldn't have children, Zizzy would be enough.
"I'm fine," he said, with almost a hint of disgust. He was fine. Zizzy was barely alive.
"You have a broken wrist, some broken ribs... you did have internal injuries, but they were wished away... your body is just very-- tender, right now."
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Post by Jules on Feb 4, 2009 21:39:30 GMT -5
Zizzy examined herself best she could without moving, which Armand kept stopping her from doing. She could see the bruises coloring her graying skin, the casts, and she was sure it was worse under the hospital gown. A sudden chill passed through her and she pulled the covers up to her chin and scooted over a bit, making room for Armand to at least sit.
"I can't feel any of it." She patted the spot next to her, knowing he might protest, claim she was too injured or whatever, she tried anyways. "I need you. Please." Even as she spoke the words, Zizzy felt how true they were and her face buckled a little, inching towards hysterics that where just bubbling under the surface.
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Post by Miss Jack on Feb 4, 2009 22:34:53 GMT -5
She knew him too well. He'd been about to shake his head, when she said the fatal word. Please.
Placing a reassuring kiss at her temple, he eased in beside her, wanting to take her into his arms, and feeling the pull of withdrawal knowing he couldn't. Instead, he ran gentle fingertips along her skin, everywhere he could reach.
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Post by Jules on Feb 4, 2009 23:02:36 GMT -5
It was a little pathetic how quickly this calmed her again, but with him close she was able to push the demons away again and simply focus on the comfort he was providing. "How long do I have to stay here?" He would have to go home at some point if she had to stay here very long, and Zizzy felt panicked at the idea of being alone in the hospital.
Camilla had waited a while to come back, and when she did, the scene the two painted put a smile on her face, despite the circumstances. She'd only met the couple a few times, but it was quite clear they were head over heels for each other. It gave her a small pang of envy, almost, that Zizzy had Armand to comfort her, and the Doctor's thoughts turned to Jasper for not the first time that day.
"You can leave tomorrow." She inserted smoothly as she walked into the room. "You'll be feeling sore, but you can take diluted pain killers that I'll send home with you. The dressing for the burns on your chest have to be changed twice a day for a week, then you should be fine with every other day. I'll come to check up on you when I can. Do you have any questions?"
Zizzy had a few, but one she was too scared to ask. So instead; "How'd I get burns on my chest?"
"Your heart stopped, we almost lost you."
That thought silenced Zizzy. She knew she hadn't been in the best shape, but she hadn't realized just how close she'd come to dying. "Thank you."
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Post by Miss Jack on Feb 5, 2009 0:15:24 GMT -5
Armand said nothing, but his mouth tightened and his eyes darkened as he remembered. Her heart has stopped. He glanced up at Camilla and echoed Zizzy's words.
"I'm staying until you can leave," he added quietly to Zizzy.
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Post by Jules on Feb 5, 2009 8:11:54 GMT -5
Usually, Zizzy would've insisted she was okay, that he should go home, get some proper rest, but she really didn't want him to leave. And besides, with her emotions written plainly on her still-gray skin, she doubted she could've convinced him that she was fine.
Camilla slipped out of the room, and Zizzy turned her head towards Armand. She didn't want to say, but the thought of going outside was suddenly frightening. She knew it was silly, weak, but she couldn't help but feel like it was safest indoors. "I--I don't want to go outside."
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Post by Miss Jack on Feb 6, 2009 20:27:42 GMT -5
Seeing the fear in her eyes twisted the guilt a little deeper.
"You won't have to for awhile," he said, "And I'll be with you."
ooc; Super short, sorry.
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Post by Jules on Feb 7, 2009 0:27:37 GMT -5
Zizzy watched the guilt pass through his eyes with dread. She couldn't help but wish he'd been there, things would've been different if he'd been there, but it wasn't his fault that he hadn't. "It--don't blame...it's not your fault. None of it." It was all hers. And thinking about it again, about the emptiness where a baby used to be, she could feel the hysterics threatening to savage her.
"I did it." She managed before they spilled out. Large, full-bodied sobs of the truly broken, they seemed to start in her toes and push their way violently from her body from her mouth, setting her to shaking.
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Post by Miss Jack on Feb 11, 2009 2:06:47 GMT -5
"No you didn't," he chided harshly. God, he knew this would happen. Both of them-- they were circling a drain of deep, dark despair, and one of them had to pull out of it so they could pull the other free too.
"I'm sorry this happened," he whispered in her ear. "But we can get past this. We have forever to make a family. You'll have more kids than you know what to do with."
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Post by Jules on Feb 11, 2009 2:30:26 GMT -5
Despite herself, despite everything, she laughed. It cut through the sobs like a knife and they dried up almost instantaneously, sniffles and red eyes the only thing left in their wake. The laughter itself had been short and awkward, Zizzy had stopped almost the second the sound left her mouth, feeling guilty and horribly crass laughing at a time like this.
She stared at him a long moment, mute, except for the occasional hiccup, and doe-eyed. Her skin, a constant reflection of her mood, was still slate grey.
"You don't understand. I was so stupid. I should have recognized the danger, I should have fought harder. I didn't think, and now he's gone because I was stupid and weak." She tucked herself against him gently, as to not jostle anything in her that shouldn't be jostled. "You shouldn't be apologizing, I should be apologizing. I'm so sorry."
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