Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater

[Miss Jack]

Alexander sorted through his clothes, digging to the very bottom to come up with the jellybean holiday clothes Nellie had snagged for him. He even put them on.

He even made sure every ounce of black was off him, and used some of Genn's glimmer make-up to brighten his naturally dark visage.

And then he thought, as he looked in the mirror, what the hell? And changed. Changed, in fact, into boots and snug, torn up jeans and a black shirt. He shook out his hair, let it go whichever way it wanted, and slipped on leather, cut-off gloves. These he would consider taking off when he arrived, but only because he could stick them ruggedly into his back pocket.

Then he ditched the carriage he had planned to take, and hopped on his flamed-black motorcyle and tore across town to the Woodland Pastures, and by the time he arrived, his hair blown clear up, he was very proudly the Prince of Nightmares.

"Hey you," he cut his engine so the boy could hear him, balancing his bike on one leg.

The Dream boy glanced up, jaw dropping at the overwhelming sight of Alexander. "Y-Yeah?" he managed.

"Are you marrying Eleanor Peep?"

"Nah," the boy said, not sure what the right answer would be. He sighed with relief when Alexander's black looked abated, at least somewhat.

"Oh. Who is?"

"Er... I think Peter McGreggor is, mister."

Nellie McGreggor? Come onnn. "Where can I find him?"

The boy hesitated, uncertain whether to sick this half-psycho Nightmare on one of his fellow farming Dreams. "Tick-tock," Alexander sing-songed, and the boy thought, live to die another day.

"He's thatta way." And pointed with one shaky finger.

Alexander saluted and revved his bike to life, tearing through paths to reach the large house and barn plantation the boy had indicated. He only stayed on the paths at all because Nellie wouldn't like it if he tore up pasture foliage.

He checked the barn first, and to his trepidation, and admitted delight, he found a lanky red-headed boy, whose face was more freckle than pale white skin, cleaning out the stalls.

"Hello!" Alexander greeted with a broad, friendly smile. "Are you Peter McGreggor?"

Peter McGreggor jumped, startled, and looked at Alexander owlishly, raising his pitchfork like a weapon. "Yeah? 'oo's askin'?" His bottle green eyes narrowed. "Hey. Ain't you a Nightmare?"

"Handy with a pitchfork and smarter than your average two-pock. You're really something."

This guy, thought Peter, eyeing Alexander up and down, is not normal. In fact, he's a downright weirdy.

"Whatchoo want?" he asked carefully.

"I came to talk about Eleanor." Alexander grinned like a Cheshire cat and Peter shuffled a little further away.

[Princess Katie]

“Eleanor, take this lunchpail t’ Peter McGreggor. And make sure t’ look pretty. ‘Ere,” Mary Peep swooped down on her daughter, pinching her cheeks to ‘draw the color’ into them. Because Nellie’s cheeks were never flushed enough.

“Ow! Muuuuum!” Nellie whined, grabbing the pail and hightailing it out of the house to avoid more cheek-pinching. Now, she didn’t know why her mother would want her to take lunch to Peter. But, whatever, Margaret, Peter McGreggor’s older sister, was married to Nathaniel Peep, Nellie’s father’s eldest sister’s third son. So, overall, it wasn’t that weird.

--

Peter’s pitchfork stood like a sentinel between him and the weird Nightmare boy who came in here harassing him. “Eleanor…Nell? Peep? Wot’s it to ya?” He asked, trying to keep sounding pastoral-fierce, though he was clearly rather intimidated. But this was just so weird. Skeptically, he asked, “’Ow do you know Eleanor Peep?”

[Miss Jack]

Nell? Alexander's lip curled with disgust. Unbidden, the image of a cozy, fire-lit cottage and the two of them, being equally cozy, flooded his mind, and Peter Pitchfork here would lean down and say, Nell, nice candy-covered porridge you made, and kiss her rose petal skin and----

"HOLYJACOBMOTHEROFJOSPEPH!!" Peter squealed, nevermind that his biblical references were all wrong. Alexander blinked out of his rage-filled stupor, glancing casually at the pile of hay that had just lit on fire. With one flourish of his hand, the flames dispelled. A barn filled with lots of dry flammable materials was probably not the best place to have this conversation, but-- as his own personal motto went-- if it burned, it burned.

Alexander sighed. "I just want to know if you're planning on marrying her."

Peter blinked. "Er... well, I guess so?" He shrugged. "Me pops been talkin' about it to me, an' she's pretty 'nuff, she keeps sheep well, so I guess I don't mind."

"Here's the thing, Carrot-Head," Alexander said and Peter bodily took a step back from Alexander's suddenly black look. "It really.... irks me that you are not madly in love with her, and I'm not saying that we can't be friends, but it just means that I may or may not be tempted to burn the skin off your bones, freckle by freckle."

The color drained from Peter's face, making said freckles stand out even more. "'Oo are you? And 'ow do you know Nell?" he asked again.

This brought Alexander up short, because it felt a bit anti-climatic to hold up his wrist and say, "We're bff's forever!!!111one."

"I..." He began, with a touch of uncertainty, though Peter would have to be pretty brave to call him on it. "....er. Well. I'm the one that really belongs with her, Peter, so I guess I'm just coming to see if I've lost her to a better man." Eghh... He worked his tongue in his mouth. That didn't have the bitter after taste of a lie quite as bad as he thought it should have.

[Princess Katie]

“You…and Eleanor Peep?” Peter looked borderline disgusted/disbelieving. It seemed highly improbable, if not unlikely, that this guy who, by Peter’s limited and biased definition of Nightmares, seemed to be the epitome of Nightmarishness would even give cutesy, floriated Nellie Peep the time of day, let alone be her soul mate.”You’re ‘er…” her paused, trying to find the right word, “boyfriend?”

“Peeeee-terrrrr!” came a sing-song call from not-too-far off. Nellie unclasped her riding cloak and threw it over the barrel and stooped to tie her too-small boot (she still hadn’t gotten that new pair she’d toasted to), chattering on without pause as she did so, “I brotcha some lunch an’ a sip of ale, on the way ‘ere I saw Zachary Johnson an’ ‘e told me that some strange fella woz askin’ ‘bout me, innat strange, an’ ‘e looked really nervous but I didn’t feel much loik askin ‘im wot was up an’ why’s it smell loik smoke in ‘ere–“ Nellie finally looked up from her shoe and nearly dropped the lunch pail in surprise.

She was clearly shocked beyond words. It took her a few seconds before she could recover enough to ask, in a nearly-frightened whisper, “Alexander…wot in blue blazes are you doin’ ‘ere?”

[Miss Jack]

Alexander immediately recoiled. Boyfriend? Hell no.

He didn't get the chance to voice his repugnance when Nellie's voice drifted into the barn, like a saved-by-the-bell charm. He watched, trying to curb his disgust, as she set out a lunch pail. What were they, married already?

"What?" he said calmly, if not a bit snobbishly. "It's a free country, I can visit Patrick here if I want to." He replayed that in his head, and said, quieter, "Peter, I meant."

[Princess Katie]

“’Ow do you—“ Nellie was unable to finish her questioning as Peter abruptly cut her off.

“’E says ‘e’s yer boyfriend,” he said, jabbing a thumb in Alexander’s direction. He was clearly waiting for Nellie to deny this, his hand on his hip, the other still holding the pitchfork rather defensively. Peter was suddenly a lot more courageous. Maybe he thought that Alexander would be less willing to burn down the barn when Nellie was in it, or maybe he felt compelled to prove his pluck in front of his intended. “’E was right close t’ burnin’ down the ‘ole barn, ‘e woz.”

“My...my wot?” Nellie exclaimed more than she asked. “I, uh…I…” Well, her mother would be proud, because, as she stuttered, trying to figure out what to say, her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink. She pushed the bucket of food at Peter, who took it with no small amount of confusion.

“Well?” Peter demanded, glancing from Nellie to Alexander and back again.

Nellie gained her usual spitfire with astounding speed, “Wot do you mean, ‘well’? I don’t see ‘ow this is any of your business any ‘ow. Eat yer lunch.” She turned an accusatory finger at Alexander. “And you. I want to ‘ave a word wiff you. Outside, if ya will.”

[Miss Jack]

Alexander was equally surprised she didn't outright deny the boyfriend claim, but more in a triumphant, delighted way. He grinned, feeling almost proud of the way she put down Peter, but then, as he followed her out with a last threatening smirk in Peter's direction, a little scared, because now that fire was going to be directed at him.

Outside, he faced her with his hands behind his back, a look of complete innocence on his face.

[Princess Katie]

Nellie hardly wasted a second before turning on Alexander with more anger than it would seem could fit in her little beflowered body. “Alexander, juss wot do you think I’m doin’ ‘ere?! You want to get me in all sorts of trouble? If my people—me parents, their friends, alluv ‘em—found out that you ‘ang around wiff me all day long? I’d be dead. You’d be dead,” She looked up at Alex with eyes dangerously close to watering. “Do y’ want me t’ not be able t’ see you no more?”

The dust at her feet stirred up as she stomped her foot. With an abundance of juvenility, she crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her nose up in the air, “Wot are you doin’, botherin’ poor Peter ‘ere anyways? ‘is family ‘as almost as much influence ‘round ‘ere as me family. They owns all the carriage-sized pumpkins in Dreamland, they does. They could make our life ‘Ell if they rally wanted to.”

[Miss Jack]

He rolled his eyes. "They're already doing the worst they could do to me." He glanced back at her, all but pouting, the Prince of Nightmares. And then he had to smile, at least a little. "You're pretty fierce when you're mad, Sheep Girl."

He pressed his lips together against the long-suffering sigh that threatened to slip out. He didn't want to get Nellie into worse hot water than she already was, but what was he supposed to do? Sit back and wait for her to get married?

"Pumpkins?" he said, raising a dubious brow, "As in, Peter, Peter pumpkin eater, had a wife and couldn't keep her?" Hey, that sounded kind of hopeful, now how did the rest of it go... "And why do you think I'm bothering 'poor Peter'?" He made quotation marks with his fingers. "He's my competition."

[Princess Katie]

“No joke I’m pretty fierce. If I weren’t, I’d ‘ave dumb boys walkin’ all over me all day, loik I were some kinda doormat.” She put her hands on her hips, the absolute picture of indignance.

She cocked her head to the side, like a confused puppy, several of the apple blossoms in her hair drifting down onto her shoulders and to her feet, “Competition? Wotcha mean, competition?”

“Nell, are you alright out there?” Peter called from inside the barn, though he was apparently too intimidated to actually come outside and check.

“Yes, just…Just eat yer lunch, Peter, I’m sure you still ‘ave chores t’ do,” Nellie called back, before turning her attention back to Alexander, realization dawning on her.

“No…You mean…me folks want me to marry Peter? But…’is ‘air is so red!”

[Miss Jack]

He raised an eyebrow, torn between laughing and sighing with exasperation. Yes, Sheep Girl, his hair is red. But his second biggest flaw is that he isn't me.

"Very red," he agreed seriously. "Ugly red. Think of your poor, numerous children. All eighty of them, running around as tomato-heads."

[Princess Katie]

“Eww!” She squeaked. Whether the distaste was at the 80 kids or the fact that they were all redheads was unknown.

It had been bad enough, knowing was to be married, but now that she had a face and a name to put on her mental image of her future husband; it felt so real now. “No wonder mum sent me over wiff the food,” Nellie whispered, seating herself on a barrel. This was just awful. Awful, awful. “Mrs. Eleanor C. McGreggor…” she groaned, looking at Alexander for pity, “’Ow did you know, anyhow?”

[Miss Jack]

He gave her a proper look of disgust at the sound of the name. Hideous. Simply hideous. He chose the barrel next to her, though a bit shorter, and shrugged. "I just asked. Peter apparently already knows."

It did seem a little too real now that he'd met Nellie's future husband face to face. Especially because the visit hadn't gotten him anywhere. It bothered him to feel so upset over this. He glared at his hands. "I'd really miss you," he said, almost as if it were some kind of revelation. But he knew he wouldn't brush whatever this was off as a fun time, or a phase of trying new things. He'd miss her in the bad way.

[Princess Katie]

“Oh,” She said shortly. Her throat felt tight, her eyes were burning. She had to press her lips together to keep them from trembling. All of this was just way too much.

Without thinking, Nellie reached down and slipped her hand into Alexander’s. “I’ll miss you too. More than I’ll miss anyfin’ else,” she kicked off her shoes and drew her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on the tops of her knees. “Maybe I should run away.”

[Miss Jack]

Funny. The rest of the rhyme came back to him. He put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well.

"Aw, Nell." He sighed and looked away, but he laced his fingers through hers. He'd run away with her in a heartbeat. Anything fun he could think of would instantly be made more fun if she was with him. But, for once in his life, he didn't feel like being selfish. "You can't run away. You love this place. And what about--"

"Hey NELLIE!" Peter called again from inside the barn. "You sure yer okay? I could come out there, if you need...."