The Journal of Zurie Tennant, age 16

[rose]

((Rose's note: This is simply Zurie's diary based on the experience she had as a teenager, and is purely here to depict the growth of her contraversial relationship with her brother. She doesn't have a journal now, I just wanted to disclose this one aspect of her past, for development purposes. ^-^))

I don't see the point of journals, but in one of my magazines, it said that they can help you vent-if you pour your soul out on a piece of paper with a scratchy pen that ke keeps running out on you. That's probably why those agony aunts are so popular- because people feel better by writing things down and feel obliged to send them so that they're not wasted or discovered by a family member.
I remember the 'lucky' few who got theirs answered in print- it was always fun to laugh at the girl who thought she could get pregnant from holding a guy's hand and the other naive submissions, alongside the totally gross ones involving lonely females and hairbrushes.

I wonder what they'd say if I wrote in.

'Dear Extremely Confused,
You are a very sick person. Go see a shrink and if that fails, jump off a cliff. It's people like you who make this world a hell to live in.
Sincerely,
Ask Alice'

Which is why I've resorted to this. A journal/diary/notebook to empty my 'extreme confusion' into. Let's start now by writing down the problem which bothers me so.

I think I am attracted to my brother.

There, that wasn't so hard now, was it?

Recently, I've been noticing strange things that I've probably overlooked in the past... Not that they're strange, because nothing about Cole is strange.

For example- the other day, I was waiting for him to finish showering. I was standing outside the bathroom when he eventually came out wearing nothing but a towel. I couldn't help but notice how the water glistened on his bare skin, how the towel was slung around his waist, exposing his toned abdominal and pectoral muscles for the whole world to see. His body's always been like that, ever since we were glamourised by mom, so why the heck did I have the urge to press myself against him, snuggle against his chest and have him hold me tightly in those arms of his and for us to wrap our wings around eachother?

I'm hoping it's my hormones, and that it'll pass shortly. I really need to get out more. >_>;

____________________________________________________

February 14th, XXXX

Things haven't improved. In fact, they've gotten worse. Even at dinner, I'm finding it hard to look at Cole in the eye, keeping my head down when he asks me to 'pass the salt' and hoping that the goosebumps on my arms aren't too noticeable. He's always asking in that breath-takingly deep voice if I'm okay, which only makes me worse. T_T

I think I need a boyfriend. Maybe I just need to find someone to channel all my energy into. Oddly enough, today I received a Valentine's card- of course, it wasn't signed. Cole simply laughed at me for having an admirer, deciding to tease me about it all day long. He says he knows who it's from, but he's not going to tell me any time soon. I was going to slap him until I caught him alone, staring out of the window with the winter sun illuminating his face, highlighting every perfect conture... He seemed saddened by something, maybe because I'd gotten a card and he hadn't? My feelings for him tried to tell me that he was sad that I had an admirer, but I'm fully aware that that isn't the scenario. There is a girl who likes him, other than me. She's much more attractive than I am, and has bigger boobs breasts and a dazzling smile, and doesn't have great big hips which make the rest of her look out of proportion.

I'm going to give up on Cole, for numerous reasons other than the card. I'm a sick person for having feelings for my brother, but I'll be the only one to harbour the guilt for as long as I live.

____________________________________________________

February 27th XXXX

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

I am convinced my family are promoting incest. I'm surprised this problem hasn't occurred sooner, to be frank.

Today was our tri-monthy family 'get-together', where all of our cousins and aunts and uncles pile round our house and make asses of themselves whilst Cole and I are stuck trying to force conversation with people who we have nothing in common with.

Not this time however- Uncle Arnold (affectionately known at the Fat Asshole Who Sponges Off Auntie Claris) decided that it was time for their three year old son to be introduced to the world of the Twistin' Tennants. Therefore, five of us were made to play Twister, with little Benjamin shyly instructing us to put 'Right Foot Lellow' (note to self: not a writing error, that was how he said it) and 'Right Hand Boo' (note to self #2: make sure Benji gets speech therapy before he goes to school).

Of course, playing Twister when you have wings is a pain in the ass. Not only is it harder to balance, even if you close them up, you also get people 'accidentally' pulling them or using them to prevent themselves from falling over- and then dragging you down with them when they do.

Despite our handicap, eventually, our own twelve years' worth of experience at the game narrowed the last two contestants down to myself and my utterly sexy and gorgeous twin brother. Aforementioned Fat Asshole thought it would be hilarious to put us in strange and difficult to hold positions- alongside dragging Benji to get a drink every so often, leaving us in those positions.


So, I was facing with my belly facing the ceiling, my hands and feet nicely placed behind and infront of me respectively on the mat. The chaos started when Old Assho Arnie declared: "Right Foot Green, kiddos."

It was okay for me, who only had to move my foot to the adjacent circle. Cole on the other hand, because I'd taken the green spot which would have saved us from the upcoming situation had he been on it, decided that he'd take the one above mine, therefore forcing himself to be straddled over me. This was worsened by: "Right Hand Green", which forced me to arch my body upward in order to stop myself from losing the game and Cole to be even closer to me.

So close that I could feel his breath on my face. His stomach brushing mine as we inhaled and exhaled, his heartbeat so close that I could feel the echo of each pulse resounding in my chest.. Something which I won't mention in writing poked me too. But of course, only he and I knew that.

Roaring with laughter, Arnie decided to go and get the camera from Mom, who, like the rest of the family, was out in the garden, bored stiff of the indoors. Benji-the-human-sheep followed him, and so Cole and I were left with him on top of me.

"Wow Cole," I muttered to him. "I never knew Twister tickled your pickle. Or has it been hard for you to get any action recently?"

I could have sworn there was a red tinge in his cheeks, but maybe that was my vision going blurry from staring at him close up. I hoped his was diminishing like mine, because I felt the embarrassment hot on my face.

"What on Earth are you talking about Zurie?" He grinned, not bothering to move at all. "You're acting as if I'm doing something wrong. But tell you what, I'm bored of this now. Let's sneak off whilst Fat Ass is gone, and we'll go for a fly."

"Fine," I squeaked, feeling suddenly cold and lonesome as he removed himself from the game. "But I have to change my clothes first. I don't want to have people looking up my skirt even if I am wearing tights underneath."

So here I am now, waiting for my unsuspecting beloved to break into my room and sweep me off my feet. There's his knock on the door now.

I'd rather he'd knock, the sound reminds me that he's coming to get me- to spend some time with me. Besides... He's already swept me off my feet.