Princess Katie Audition

[Miss Jack]

Alas, I can not resist that face.

So, your highness, let me choose a word prompt that I think may be to your liking.

Your word prompt is:
"I put the 'cute' in excecute."

[Princess Katie]

You see, there is a reason I became World Princess. The world is such an ugly, ugly place. I know that sounds shallow, but I don’t only mean by way of universal bad fashion, dirty cities, and yucky popular culture. I mean also the starvation, the poverty, diseases, blatant abuse of the environment—all very ugly things.

I took it upon myself at a young age to personally make the world a cuter place. Before I realized the power I had at my command (my good looks, charm, style, sadism, grace, etc), I focused on making my immediate ‘world’ a cuter place. My wardrobe had a strict standard of glamorous cuteness. My bedroom was groomed to perfect cuteness. My friends, pets, vocabulary, insults, and habits forced into cutedom.

As I grew older, I grew to tolerate the ugly less and less . Upon gaining status of World Dictator, my New Plan for Cuteness was enacted. First to go was the term ‘dictator’. It brings about ugly images to the mind. Hitler was not cute, neither in a physical nor mental state. Genocide is not cute. I found the term ‘World Princess, Empress of Fabulousity, and Queen of Cute’ to be much more appropriate. ‘Princess’ at worst brings up images of the bratty blonde cheerleader; at best, me.

Betwixt the revamp of my name and my latest dilemma, several ugly things were omitted from my Empire. Being a huge fan of food, famine was one of the first ugly things of the past to fall. Aids, racial prejudices, Physical Education, nuclear weapons, and poaching all followed suit. Of course, I then turned my attention to the slightly less important ugly issues. Crocs and other hideous anomalies of fashion, bad hair cuts, and ugly music were of course to be eliminated, as were the people who condoned such offenses.

But that leads to my latest issue. How does a cute Princess such as myself cutely dispose of these offenders of cute?

The public executions of old have always appealed to me. But seeing people writhe at the end of a Short-Drop would not work. Not cute. The sickening snap of neck bones in the Long-Drop would never do, either. The Guillotine, as appealing as the French Revolution is to me, is of course, not a possibility. You see, The National Razor results in a good deal of blood, and how weak would my people perceive me if I just passed out during public executions? Axe-beheadings are even more gruesome than the Guillotine, and drowning results in icky, puffy bodies. I’ve been told freezing was the most comfortable way to go. But, any Daughter of the Empire knows that comfortable does not equal cute.

So, you can easily see my dilemma. Until the time that I can devise a perfect execution, I will go through a trial and error. So far, we’ve tried electrocution by salon-style hairdryers, a firing squad of my Elite Force in Disney princess costumes, and chopping them into meat pies, Mrs. Lovett-style. As cute as the latter’s result is, the process is unfortunately ugly.

We will perform our executions with as much style and grace as the act allows until the perfect idea hits me, and I can truly say that I put the ‘cute’ in execute.

[Miss Jack]

-all manners of amusement-

There is no smiley yet invented to properly express how hilarious I think you are. xD
Truly original.

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Challenge:
There has, (egad!) been a breech in the World Princess's kingdom. An army of nerds and faux-pas in all manner of digusting not-cute advancements! They come from the east, and the southwest!

[Princess Katie]

Now, everyone knows that Princess Katie is not to be disturbed in her very private social gatherings with her few pre-Dictator friends. Everyone except the pink-clad guard who burst through the huge double-doors knew, that is.

The breathless guard, a member of the Empire Defense squad (Or Panda Team, for those familiar with the Princess’s categorization system), looked quite afraid as she approached the lounging Princess.

“Your Highness, forgive the intrusion,” she breathed, eyes wide, “a breach in Fort Fabulous has been reported by Unicorn Team.”

The Princess rolled her eyes and paused the DVD she and her friends were watching and turned to pay attention to the guard. She heaved a heavy sigh, “What?”

“A breach, Empress. At Fort Fab.”

The Princess’s eyes widened. “For reals? Like, a real breach? Or just, like, a few rag-tag rebels trying to ruin my Empire of Cute?”

“A full army, your Highness. Reportedly—Empress, you may want to brace yourself—“ At this point, the Princess grabbed onto the hand of the near by Admiral of Ambiguity, “reportedly, the rebels are dressed in denim miniskirts and Uggs.”

The Princess turned several shades of pale. Ugg boots? The manufacture of Uggs had been forbidden when she took her position. These rebels were serious. For a moment, she thought about fainting, but decided this was too important a time. “Are they armed?”

“Yes, your highness. With badly written fanfictions and too much black eyeliner.” The guard replied grimly.

“My God. Someone—fetch me my really cool looking military outfit and my blunderbuss. Some things, a Princess must do herself.”

[Miss Jack]

-dies-

XDD
You are truly one of a kind. I loved it, of course, laughed proficiently. You are A-pproved.